10 Great Ways To Kill Time

10 GREAT WAYS TO KILL TIME after you’ve entered the OMG ALL THE BOOKS GIVEAWAY to win a signed, first-edition of 2 A.M. at The Cat’s Pajamas

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  • 1. Decide to send someone you love cupcakes.
  • 2. Realize YOU are someone you love who loves cupcakes.
  • 3. Send cupcakes to yourself. Splurge on the big box because you really love you.
  • 4. Take the latest trendy quiz: What kind of shell fish are you? Pray for mantis shrimp. Those crazies can see like a billion colors.
  • 5. Fucking cray fish?!
  • 6. Eat cupcakes while perusing classes on your gym’s website and laughing at their ridiculous names. BODY MUNCH. DANCE DECIMATION. PULVERIZING AB-SPLOSION.  BUN GRINDER. Sign up for something called EXTERMINATION (Butt and legs) TRX you will eventually blow off.
  • 7. What even is a crayfish? Google crayfish. Find out that they are also called crawdads, mudbugs and yabbies. Say the word yabbie until you crack yourself up.
  • 8. Get ridiculously upset about something some yabbie said on NPR then immediately forget what it was by the time you go to tweet about it.
  • 9. Consider, while you finish the last cupcake, that perhaps the mantis shrimp flaunts his considerable talents ostentatiously in front of the other shell fish who are not as visually inclined. Maybe while the crayfish is innocently going about its business feeding on dead animals and plants, the mantis shrimp sends them long emails with links to blog posts they’ve written about being able to see, like, everything, ending with a color wheel with this question like a threat: How many colors can you see? What a puffed up, self-important blowhard! Decide you hate the mantis shrimp. You’re glad you’re a crayfish.
  • 10. Yabbie, yabbie, yabbie, yabbie, yabbie. Ha!

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